It's almost that time of year where everyone feels the need to go to the beach. I don't get it. I hate the fucking beach. It's hot as fuck and you spend the next 3 days digging sand out of your ass crack.
It's ridiculous how much stuff you need in order to go to the beach. And you get the joy of lugging all that shit from your crappy hotel room in 100 degree heat using a little cart that won't even roll on sand. And that sand is like walking on hot coals. You better not forget the gallon of greasy fucking sunscreen you'll need to apply to every inch of your body or else you'll get 3rd degree burns in about 5 minutes. The beach is one giant human frying pan.
Title: some kinda hate
Then it's time to set up your perfect little spot, which consists of laying a a towel on the ground or sitting in a chair designed for people with very short legs. Why are beach chairs so short? And you better remember to wear sunglasses because the reflection off of the water and sand will fucking blind you.
Finally, after all that work, you can relax. That is, if your idea of relaxation is sweating your ass off while looking at hideous people in bathing suits and listening to screaming kids. The only good part about the beach is listening to the sound of the ocean waves. But if you like that so much, then buy yourself a fucking sound machine. They're like 10 bucks, you cheap bastard.
After baking in the sun for a while and getting ever closer to developing skin cancer, you'll have the pleasure of packing up all your shit again, trying unsuccessfully to shake off all the sand. Just give up, jackass, you'll never get rid of it all. Load that sandy crap onto your useless little cart and haul it all back to your hotel room where you can finally get a cool drink .
Who the fuck thinks that any of this is fun? It's fucking torture. Take a real vacation. If you like laying in the sun so much, just do it at home. No one wants to see you in a bathing suit, trust me.